10 Twitter Agendas – What’s Yours?

What’s Your Twitter Agenda? In this post Snow (follow her @snowvandemore) from el vigilante shares 10 Twitter agendas.

twitter-agenda.jpg

I imagine there are written guidelines somewhere on how to conduct yourself on Twitter, but I haven’t read them and I don’t intend to. I’ve always believed in learning by doing and my first few weeks on Twitter have been an eye-opener. My conclusion — it’s all about agendas.

Fortunately, recognizing someone’s particular Twitter agenda is not that difficult. Just go back through their tweet history and a common thread will likely emerge.

Here are some examples of Twitter modus operandi I’ve witnessed so far:

1. Blog vomit

Twitterfeed will post your blog rss feeds to Twitter automatically and there are Twitter members that use the site purely for that reason. Personally, I see nothing wrong with that, but if you don’t invest some effort in following and conversing with like-minded Twitter members, you might as well be broadcasting to Mars, because no one will notice you.

2. It sucks to be you

I could spend all day watching these people’s tweets. The Buffies and Biffs can’t wait to let you know which expensive wine they just drank, the $1000 suit that had to be returned because it wasn’t up to snuff, and mentioning as many SEO Internet moguls as possible in their tweets, in the unlikely event some of the twinkle will magically rub off on them by osmosis.

3. American Gigolo/Gigoless

They only follow sexy avatars in the hopes of hooking up. Truth is, if you gathered most of these real people in a room, you’d have a Star Trek convention. No offense, I’m just saying.

4. Ain’t nuthin’ but a gold digger

There are Twitter snobs that feel Twitter was created for the sole purpose of hyping their online business. They generally do not converse with anyone who does not share their particular area of expertise. You can follow them, and they will follow you, but don’t expect a “good morning” from them any time soon. They are too busy figuring out ways to outdo the competition. A succubus if there ever was one.

5. Ladies and Gentlemen: Rodney Dangerfield

I call these the one-line-wonders. Posting tweets with a punchline and an imagined rim shot. Hey, I’m witty. Look at me. Problem is, if you take the chance on replying to one of these tweets, you get nuthin’ in return. It’s all one-sided. That’s why stand-up comedians are usually introverts.

6. Secret Squirrel

These are the voyeurs of the community. Seldom, if ever, exchanging dialogue — they just like to watch. Heaven forbid that anyone would actually talk to them — what response could they form? I imagine their lips are stitched shut like in some weird NIN video.

7. Welcome to my tent

It’s all about the numbers and the sheik eagerly welcomes you to his harem of followers with promises of interesting banter and witty repartee. So you click the “Follow” icon and wait. Success — he/she follows you in return. This looks promising. What generally happens, though, is Buffalo Bill flings you down the hole with the other followers, never to be heard from again. How many is too many? Only Precious knows for sure.

8. The Town Crier

If it weren’t for this guy, I’d never know what was going on in the world. A veritable fount of rss feeds from CNN, MSNBC, and Bloomberg, he’s got it down, man. As soon as news breaks, Ron Burgundy has tinyurl’d it, entered his commentary and tweeted it, at lightening speed. How does he do it? I don’t care — I just hope he doesn’t stop or I’d be a complete moron.

9. Tupperware party

I fall into this category, as do most Tweeple. You establish a comfortable group with whom you have regular conversations, albeit in 140 character segments. It’s fun, entertaining and you manage to pump up each others’ egos one tweet at a time. They read and comment on your tweets and blog posts, and vice-versa. You feed off of one another and there is little risk involved. Over time, however, this can get boring. That’s when you go searching for fresh meat, I mean new followers. It’s all good — it’s just part of the game.

10. Combo meal

The longer you frequent Twitter, the more likely you will find yourself developing more than one agenda. A multi-tasker, realizing that one can kill two or three birds with one tweet. Very efficient — managing to pimp your blog or website, spread viral headlines and videos, and flirt — in one perfect 140 character tweet (also referred to as a twoosh.) Barack Obama did it and so can you — achieve total Twitter nirvana.

Comments

  • December 12, 2008

    OK, so I just tweeted this URL, but I can’t quite figure out which agenda that puts me into. :)

  • December 12, 2008

    I would say that i’m a cross between number 1 and number 9!

    :)

  • December 12, 2008

    These are very on-point and some made me laugh out loud because of how true they are. I would agree with Snow and probably fall into the Tupperware party category the most. Going along with #10, I see myself branching out and taking on a few different roles.

    I think it’s probably a good approach to not just fall into one category. Remember, you have to be a little on the edge, otherwise people might think you’re “normal” and boring.

  • December 12, 2008

    was 6, moving to 9, yr post made me laugh, cheers!

  • December 12, 2008

    I find this post not only informative but entertaining as well.

  • December 12, 2008

    Maybe you should ask others to say which one people are if you ask me I’m a combo meal ;) but others for sure would not agree lol

  • December 12, 2008

    Darren,

    Thank you for being open and honest regarding your Twitter agenda. For me Twitter is about stretching my thinking by following the ideas of really smart people. These are folks, many of whom never follow me but their thinking is so “out of the box” that I am guaranteed with each log on to learn something new.

    In addition to learning I promote my own thinking (my blog, http://www.customerflypaper.com) and hopefully share some information that might help the community. Eventhough I am positioning my business I get so much more out of the effort than fulfilling business goals. For me it is truly a give and take experience.

    John Easton
    Follow Me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/jeaston1

  • December 12, 2008

    What a great post, Snow! Hilarious Agenda names and descriptions.

    I guess I fall into the Tupperware Party group, although I’m trying change to a Combo Meal. Reaching out to followers, varying my tweets, replying to others. It’s ultimately more fun and interesting, as you say.

  • December 12, 2008

    I think I might be like Gladys from Bewitched. You know the nosy neighbor that is always peeking in to see what is going on. Some of the folks I follow are always good for a laugh anc chuckle – I call it Twitter humor crack

  • December 12, 2008

    1. Kudos on a concise division of most motivations for human interaction.
    2. Why so negative? Where’s the harm in any of the motivations?

    I’d love to see this same article with more of a positive outlook on humanity…

  • December 12, 2008
    Aaron D.
    @adavis2

    This is so true. I was followed by an XXX star that immediately touted her numbers. It felt icky to be thrown into her harem. I felt like I had been kidnapped and woke up on a pirate ship. I took a shower and blocked her.

  • December 12, 2008

    I’m #10 I love twitter it has increased my biz and net work like crazy. I see a bright 2009.

  • December 12, 2008

    This is a great post!!! I’m #9 with alittle bit of #6 mixed in!!

  • December 12, 2008

    #3 made me laugh out loud, but I’m probably a #9 as well. Although, I think that trying to create a #10 by using #1, #4, #5, & #8, but with some conversing with others thrown in would make for a pretty good follow.

  • December 12, 2008

    Great sum-up :)

  • December 12, 2008

    I’m a mix of 8, 9 and 10. I’m a journalist, so I tweet a lot of news, but I also tweet my parenting blog (not as a feed though; I’m not a fan of feeds); and I tweet about what’s going on.

    I agree with you about the witty tweeters who never respon to your @replies. That’s just rude. Twitter is a conversation, which means you have to talk and listen.

  • December 12, 2008

    This post is hilarious-and true! I love #2. I crack up when I read a tweet like “At my 80,000sq ft chalet, drinking 500yr old Scotch w/supermodel wifey.”

    Thanks for an entertaining post…started my day off with a laugh & a smile.

    Heather

  • December 12, 2008

    I have no particular agenda other than sharing useful information and benefiting from useful links that other people post. I also use Twitter to share links about topics that interest me that don’t necessarily fit my main blog’s niche. Twitter is also entertaining: I can tune into my Twitter feed at any time and always find something different; as Forrest Gump would probably say: “Twitter is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to find”, which makes Twitter interesting.

  • December 12, 2008

    Kick ass funny – wondeful observations we have all had but you captured perfectly.

    Seriously though there some of this in a serious Twitter community member, and when those who gain respect fall into one of these agendas, for a very limited time, we accept it for what it is.

    My Agenda – Give more than you take, enjoy the spirit of discovery, and be the funniest man on twitter

  • December 12, 2008

    I’m a cross between all of those numbers.

    But everyone remembers me for the bowler hat on my head.

  • December 12, 2008

    LOL! I enjoyed that, thanks. ;-)

  • December 12, 2008

    Very funny!

    I’m #1, broadcasting my recent blog posts.
    Other than that I like to reply to anything interesting and read other blog links or linked new articles.

  • December 12, 2008

    Brilliant and hilarious, which is my fave kind of read. As for me, a combo of #8, #9, and #10 because I read all your counsel about not being #1 (on this list). I probably devolve into #5 and, yes, I’m more introverted in person, although what’s “in person” anymore?

  • December 12, 2008

    A good laugh. Is this the introvert watching us all and letting out the punch line? (This is a compliment.)

    So what IS the most productive Twitter attitude? Why should we all be here?

    Personally, I think we all try the different approaches and eventually land with one that fits our own need, agenda, or hope. No?

  • December 12, 2008

    This post was insanely entertaining! I couldn’t have put it better and it’s all true. I’d put myself in the # 6 and #9 catergories, but aspiring to be a combo meal.

  • December 12, 2008

    This is hilarious, but oh so true :-) Great post!

  • December 12, 2008

    Number eight kind of humors me. Ron Burgundy? Haha. Movie star!

  • December 12, 2008

    These were great!!! I’ve got to say that I’ve been a faithful lurker. You have not had a “bad” post. I’ve read them all in their entirety – my only blog of dozens that I follow that I do that with. Thanks for the astonishingly good, consistent content.

  • December 12, 2008

    Very funny. Thanks for the data and laugh.

    I’d say I’m: 7, 8 and 10.

    Shaun

  • December 12, 2008

    Hahahah, so true. I hope I’m the Tupperware Party type? Even though, having been to more than one real life Tupperware Party the thought scares me…

  • December 12, 2008

    I am a little of all of them…. Somedays I dont even have time to say hi, othertimes you just cant shut me up. All days I have my blogs letting people know whats happening, but I am always up to help someone if they contact me…. so yes, all of them LOL

  • December 12, 2008

    jajaja great post. I love it, it inspired me.

  • December 12, 2008

    Hilarious!! Just what I needed to brighten up my day!! But it makes you reflect on on what you do, why, and what others think of you… hhhmmmmm….

  • December 12, 2008

    Funny, I never pegged myself as the tupperware party type, but I guess I am. I hope to graduate to the combo meal and go super size with that!

  • December 12, 2008

    ROFL! This was hilarious! Fortunately I have not been #1 or #2 well except that time I signed up for a service unaware it would vomit on Twitter but that was only one day, I swear! I’ve also not been #3 or #4 (Geez you can have a sexy avatar? I’d settle for a good pic!) But all the rest I’ve been there, done that with a fair share of stumbles along the way.

  • December 12, 2008

    This list is hilarious. When I see the #4’s do their thing, I bristle. Then I wonder, maybe that’s a good use of twitter in the long run. I do love the Ron Burgundys, that’s how I get all my news. I’m trying to be a good combo meal.

  • December 12, 2008
    Pat Montgomery
    @ParentsRule

    I so identify with this–great post. Lots of fun.

  • December 12, 2008

    #3-7 won’t do it. There has to be conversation. give a little commentary, cutting news, and a little about your and what’s going on. I’m going through the process now to weed out follower vomit and the like

  • December 12, 2008

    OMG, now that’s some funny (if not jaded) stuff! Hard to deny the truth of it all, though.

    I think I’m a tupperware party kinda guy who sometimes goes to the drive-thru window for a big ol’ combo meal.

    I’m usually a one-liner witty guy too. But I can’t help that ’cause I’m me own best audience.

    Any-who, great post, very creative and fun.

    Cheers

    George

  • December 12, 2008
    Rafael
    @r9rafael

    #11 – btw, what’s twitter for?

  • December 12, 2008

    Totally dead on! Really enjoyed reading your post!

  • December 12, 2008

    It’s just like in real life, with a lot less markers involved which makes it all so transparent.. hilarious post. thanks!

  • December 12, 2008

    Funny!

    I have not met all of these yet. What about tweeps that do monologues? It seems so strange to have no conversation on twitter.

    I love twitter for the social aspect and because it is fast. We are a family on our 3rd year of an open ended world tour ( on 25K a year) , so I really enjoy the stopping in for conversation when I can.

    That is another category…slow moving digital nomads! It helps us connect with our readers, old friends and new ones. Keeping a blog up to the speed of world travel ( as a homeschooling family always looking for the elusive free wifi) is not that easy, so my readers keep up with the latest through my tweets. I even use twitpics to give them a peek of what location is to come on the blog.

    I like tweeps from all different realms, but have also particularly enjoyed connecting with the travel community. I guess we kind of have a tupperware party thing going, sharing our passion for travel. I love hashtag conversations too like #gno or #journchat etc. Because they happen late for me, I am often up in the wee hours, sometimes in very remote locations. lol!

    I get great ideas for travel, homeschooling, finances, blogs and marketing via conversations on twitter. One of the most fun was asking for advice about what to do on Halloween ( while we were in NYC visiting disadvantaged school kids that come with us virtually) on Twitter.

    My daughter ended up having the best Halloween of her life as we hooked up with Wendy Perrin of Conde Nast Traveler who showed us her office overlooking Times Square then took us to her home where her kids and ours had a blast collecting candy from a picture perfect neighborhood. ( The kids knew mine from our RTW Youtube videos!). Small world today!

    http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/blogs/perrinpost/2008/11/a-halloween-wit.html

    All of this from a meet on Twitter! Gotta love Twitter no matter what kind of twitteri you are! ;)

  • December 12, 2008

    Very cool Snow! Not only the article, which is very funny, but that you are on Darren’s board. You make a friend proud. Now I just have to get out of you which category you think I am in…. ;)

  • December 12, 2008

    Great post, and so true. I think I’m a mix of combo meal and Tupperware. I work from home, and tweeting makes it far more interesting. However, I am also a Town Crier. How do I do it? I’m a journo by trade and one of my gigs is to go through local media each day and find good stories that would work for a magazine I write for. It’s a dream job as I get paid to read the news. I also tweet the stories I think my followers will like! Some newspapers also have people on staff to do this as it directs traffic to their online editions.

  • December 12, 2008

    The Ron Burgundy reference made me LOL. Great take on stereotyping Tweople.

  • December 12, 2008

    Twitter nirvana… I love it! Good observations. Apparently I’m tupperware/town crier. Nice…

  • December 12, 2008

    “Blog Vomit” I love it.
    I just tried to register the URL, but of course it was taken.
    Thanks for the laugh.

  • December 12, 2008

    You forgot one category: “Confuscious,” or, “The Idiot Trying to Figure It All Out.” That’s me. LOL! Oh…the questions! This whole “@” and RT stuff is pretty confusing to my teeny newbie mind! Because of my fear of responding “the wrong way,” I fall into the Secret Squirrel category. I figure it’ s better to keep my virtual mouth shut until I figure out how to respond appropriately, and “get it.” (Do I direct mail to respond to someone’s Tweet? Do I use @myname? Or @mynamename RT @his/hername, or just with @his/hername with a referene to the Tweet? Sorry for the stupid questions. :( I’m still trying to get a grip on this…

  • December 12, 2008

    #3 – I’m a total slut.

  • December 12, 2008

    This is hysterical. I would point out that people on Twitter are often like people in real life. Archetypes are the same.

  • December 12, 2008

    Love this post. I’m so a #9.

  • December 12, 2008

    I think I’m a full on Mexican Combo platter, only I’m not Mexican. I have tweeted and tweeted about various subjects and gotten nothing back. Of course, I’m very new to the tweet and am still figuring it out…

  • December 12, 2008

    Great post, all very astute observations. I found the secret squirrel comment quite funny.

  • December 12, 2008

    I find myself to be a combination of 1, 2, 5, and 9 which clearly adds up to a solid #10!

    Great post.

  • December 12, 2008

    …So, errr, I’m on twitter to meet likemindeds, to tell the world when I’m online, to pimp my blog – I mean, its gone from 3 views to 79 in a week of trying to twit about it!! – I know, wild! 79 views!! I also like to read the news on twitter and keep upto date on music news… So does this make me a ..312?! Great Post – thanks guys…

  • December 12, 2008

    I rarely use Twitter… but I thought this was brilliant.

  • December 12, 2008

    I think I would be a “Curious Cat” a person who really likes to try things because they are shiny and new, and I may become tired of it and go take a nap.

  • December 12, 2008

    Okay, so I’m kind of a #5, but I engage.. which you wouldn’t know because you’ve never followed me back. Which is okay, because hey, you’re Darren Rowse and I’m just this guy over here clinging to the ivy on the side of the building with the hope that I don’t slide off and land in the mud.

    Okay then.

  • December 12, 2008

    I was kinda like a 1 and now I’m a 9.

    I’m moving forward to being a 10 and have made quite a few twooshes already.

  • December 12, 2008

    lol, that’s awesome! I would say I am 9 looking to get to 10?

  • December 12, 2008

    I love the post. Looks like I’m not the only one. Now you have me wondering which one I am or shouldn’t be or should be…heck I just don’t know :0

  • December 12, 2008

    lolz…this is hilarious.

    I find myself crossed between #1 and #9. But there should be an agenda about lonely monologist. I’d totally fit into that. :)

  • December 12, 2008

    I fall into several categories. My reason original reason for joining twitter was to follow certain people. Then I started keeping posts of where I was and what I was doing. At some point, I noticed that I had followers, apparently they liked some links that I had posted (for my own memory recall). Now, I no longer answer the question “What are you doing?”, I’m not sure that my followers are interested in which airport I have a layover in. For me Twitter has evolved as a way to get A|E|C industry specific news out and a way to not loose this info. As a plus, it also appears as an RSS panel on my site.

    I’m sure that this differs from what the twitter makers intended, but market evolution sometimes does that to products and services. We need to adapt…

  • December 13, 2008

    Funny but that’s about it. Where are the positive types? :( All those descriptions seemed negative.

  • December 13, 2008

    Great post and some great labels for the Twitterkin, but saying I’m a Combo Meal feels dirty some how ;)

  • December 14, 2008

    Great post. Unfortunately I can’t say in which of these categories I fit atm.

    After months of self-research, I joined the online community again yesterday. I think I need to start looking for some Tupperware parties to join.

    I might just start by saying hi to all the people I’m following.

    Anyone know a great Tupperware party, please invite me :o )

  • December 14, 2008
    Alistair
    @alpinefolk

    Great tongue in cheek post, but it holds some truth. I think most people start from the ‘tupperware party’ agenda and evolve from there.

  • December 15, 2008

    Tip: in the intro, the twitter name has an extra r in it, while the link is ok. @snowvandermore does correctly link to http://twitter.com/snowvandemore

  • December 18, 2008

    Secret Squirrel Here…Hey,Let me out of my cage!!!

  • December 18, 2008

    @mariobox i guess that is you agenda then. My agenda is puttion out more content and interacting with everyone. If someone makes a putlic tweet then I’m going to respond and be seen as a resource. You don’t have to necessarily be an expert but people will follow you if you can be a resource for them.

  • December 18, 2008

    I have a word for the “Blog Vomit” people: “Twamitters”

  • December 26, 2008
    saranicole
    @saranicole

    I object to naming @secretsquirrel as symptomatic of people not engaged in conversation. Not everyone is on twitter for the same reason, being the gospel of social media – Ryan adds to the conversation by being frickin’ funny. He happens to have responded to me on several occasions and made me smile every time.

    For another thing, with the other categories you don’t sound like you’re naming anyone specifically, just establishing a category title. For this category you unfairly singled him out. That is a conversation stopper if I ever heard of one.

  • January 3, 2009

    Very profound post. I had to laugh about #3. What about European Gigolo/Gigoless? :)

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.