Here’s another reader question that I’m going to post for the masses to help answer:
I’m having a hard time with some of the drama that happens on Twitter. Sometimes I find people being harsh to people I follow, and watching them go through the emotions in 140 characters over and over again can really get to me. Some of these people tend to seek out the drama, so the answer to that issue is simply removing them from my list, but there are others that tend to get bullied sometimes, without due cause. My protective nature wants to jump in sometimes and help to defend them, RT’ing all the attacks that are headed their way, and trying to knock down the bully. But then the other part of me is worried about damaging my own personal brand by doing so… by getting involved. It’s a struggle I deal with not often, but more often than I’d like.I don’t want to unfollow these people, but I also have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I usually wind up trying to just get out of Twitter for a while in order to avoid it, hoping it’ll go away. But that too always winds up leaving me feeling like I’m missing out on other things, other opportunities to see the good stuff Twitter’s made of.
What’s the best way to handle oneself in a situation where someone you enjoy reading either becomes a bully, or becomes victim to one? – Name withheld
Have you witnessed bullying on Twitter? How do you handle it? Do you feel good about the way you do?
[image credit: Chesi - Fotos CC]
@OrganicUniverse
Of course there will be bullying on twitter. Companies like Monsanto have people on the payroll to attack companies that are against the deadly products that they are churning out.
In other situations, it is a celebrity or just someone being nasty to someone else just because twitter allows it. However, you CAN do something! Simply send a DM to @spam and then do the obvious…block the user on twitter so that you can’t see their tweets. Inevitably, the bully will find someone else to annoy.
@seandblogonaut
I can’t say that I have ever witnessed it. But then I use twitter as an extension of my network of friends, like minded thinkers. It never seems to get any harsher than gentle ribbing about one’s sporting team. That’s not to say that it doesn’t happen of course.
@sweetsue
Hmmmm….great question. What if you focus instead on supporting the person being bullied? S/he will be able to fight his or her own battles with some sage advice from you. The general strategy is to describe back to the bully what they are doing (e.g., stay in the adult voice) rather than respond like a victim (hurt) or aggressor (angry). A few rounds of that and the bully (a) doesn’t get what s/he wants in the way of a reaction and (b) perhaps realizes that his or her brand is being damaged by being called out in front of all of his or her followers. It works.
There’s no place for that on Twitter. The lack of face-to-face interaction makes some people feel empowered, for lack of a better word, to “bully” others. All it takes is the click of a mouse. The person being bullied or attacked has no recourse. The only route I can see to calling out the bully is through a DM to them directly. Even then, that person could do the same to you/me. I suppose if the situation called for it, and we felt moved enough to do so, we could DM the situation to our followers and ask them to send a “call-out” DM to the offender. Just my 2 cents.
Alan
@ListenToLeon
Pick and choose your battles. 90% of the time, I avoid getting involved when I see Twitter bullying. If it’s a personal friend on the receiving end of unnecessary harassment, I’ll send a tweet encouraging them to stop responding to the nonsense. A bully can’t argue with him/herself without looking foolish.
I usually also tell ‘em that success brings out the haters, so don’t let one jerk stand in your way. Depending on how ugly the argument has gotten, I might direct message this part to avoid any backlash.
@InariMedia
When the Pirate Bay trial was underway, I tweeted some headlines that had come up in my RSS feed and added the #spectrial hashtag. Some of them were less than favourable to the Pirate Bay and I did catch some flack off their supporters.
My attitude was to point out that they were headlines, I hadn’t written the article, and directing the angry folk to the websites concerned, especially if they could leave comments. I also DM-ed them rather than start a public argument, which would have disrupted the flow of my Twitter stream.
Stay calm, remain civil, and address the issues rather than resorting to personal attacks. DMs are very useful for carrying on a private conversation without broadcasting any disagreements to the wider community.
@hanelly
Alan Hammond said it all in the first sentence of his comment.
@blue_cat_online
I have seen this so often on Livejournal ~ call them trolls, drama Llama or whatever, some people seem to think that being agressive and arguing makes them look incisive and hard-hitting. Others seem to simply get a thrill out of getting a reaction, same as any school yard bully.
Use the same tactics to them as face to face bullies. Address them quietly and fairly once or twice, then ignore ignore ignore (or block block block on Twitter). Get the victim to do likewise if you are a watcher.
They are not worth the breath/typing you will waste on long drawn out interactive arguments ~ If they don’t react positively to your first attemts you are unlikely to win.
@RobertHruzek
Y’know; that’s one of the drawbacks to a completely open system like Twitter – you get the good with the bad – and no filters!
And, although I admit to bein’ sucked into a response now and then, the bottom line is you just have to develop a thicker skin to be out there in the public eye like that. With practice, it’s not really that hard to ignore. Besides, sometimes it’s kinda fun to watch the occasional immovable object runnin’ up against the irresistible force, y’know?
It’s true that some will find it easier than others, but that’s the way it is out there in Twitterland, isn’t it?
WTF. This reminds me of Perez Hilton crying into his webcam every night after Will.I.Am’s body guard slapped him around. Ignore people if you don’t like what they are posting. Don’t follow them. Am I missing something?
@Steve – I did get this email in my inbox long before the Perez drama. While I understand what you’re talking about, I believe what the question is asking is how to deal when someone they follow is BEING bullied, moreso than if it’s the bully.
Sure, the Perez crap infiltrated all our streams for two days… but this seems a little different a scenario.
@buddinggenius
I have witnessed several incidents of bullying and inappropriate behaviour mainly from one user in my circle of followers who seems intent on causing trouble and throwing their weight around. To address the situation is futile as I believe that the perpetrator is not intelligent enough to reason with in a calm and rational manner. It is an unfortunate fact of life that bullies exist in all sorts of places not just the school yards
@Follow_Steph
More often than not, I’m seeing the little guy pick on the big guy e.g. The Unfollow Diddy trend I witnessed on Twitter. I’m not sure if Diddy bullied the other party to start. I do know it sure looked as if Diddy was being bullied by the time it was all over. Funny thing is, Twitter definitely levels the playing field between the “famous” and the “Regular Joes” in the twitterverse. At the end of the day, I choose to avoid the madness all together and promote Good Tweople.
@mmmeg
Certainly there is outright bullying. More prevalent, though, is just rudeness — which at times borders on bullying. And it’s not just from evil companies or trolls. It comes from seemingly nice people, too. But, regardless of who it comes from, I think we have an obligation to call people out on it if we want to keep Twitter a friendly place to have honest conversations (as I certainly do).
Behaviors I consider especially rude are:
1. trying to silence others and/or demanding the last word — esp. if you have no problem in speaking your own mind
2. attacking people personally instead of just debating the issues
3. failing to recognize that ppl you talk to have very different backgrounds/beliefs/etc., and esp. believing that your unique case/experiences applies to everyone (e.g. “I did it, therefore anyone can.” or vice versa)
4. just being snarky
5. overusing stereotypes and/or failing to see that people are complex (not all latte drinkers are out-of-control spenders, and you can like shoes and not be a shallow airhead)
And yes, I’m guilty of those things, too, sometimes! Especially #4 — which sometimes seems like a virtue on Twitter, though really it isn’t something that I aspire to. Being clever is one thing, but pulling people down in the process just isn’t so nice.
@khurtwilliams
Not saying or doing anything is equivalent to agreeing that the bullying is OK.
@PamDH
The only problem I have with others ignoring bullies and ignoring others suffering is the same problem I would have with someone ignoring it going on in the school yard or on the street. In today’s society it seems so often easier to not become involved, become self involved and just turn the other cheek. By ignoring this behaviour do we not in fact perpetuate it? By ignoring it are we not in fact actually part of the problem? It is probably part of my professional background to be an advocate for women, to stand up for social injustice which means if I see something going on I must make a stand for the person on the receiving end. Yes, it does get me into trouble sometimes and yes I have been barrated in a public forum for stating my beliefs and yes it hurts what hurts even more was that I knew there had to be people out there who read it yet did nothing.
There was a case, in real world not virtual world, which represents what I think on the subject. A number of years ago in Liverpool there was a toddler who was encouraged by two young boys to leave his mum in a shopping centre. Those boys tormented, bullied the toddler to death. Many people on the street saw that boy being bullied as he was being walked along the street but many people didn’t step in and question what was going on they turned the other cheek, believing that it didn’t concern them and concerned about how it would look if they intervened. This is an extreme case but i believe passionately that on even a small level bullying is unacceptable and can lead to ugly consequences it is time to take a stand, have some strength to say this behaviour in whatever form is unacceptable.
@Gaelen2
Oddly enough, a Twitter ‘bully’ just took aim at one of my responses about a news story where 7 dogs died when they spent the night in an open van in the midwest (w/six fans running–they overheated and all but one died.) I commented that crucifying the handler involved and insisting that she should have brought the dogs inside was judgemental and we didn’t have enough information for that opinion–just received several hot responses from a dog trainer in the UK who clearly feels her way is the only way.
I’ve been around the ‘net since 1991. And I’ve been a dog-trainer since 1981.
The problem with bullies is that often their behavior is self-reinforcing.
As a trainer, I try not to reinforce (feed) behavior that I want to stop…and I have no problem telling someone when his comments are too judgmental, too personal, bullying, etc.
But if things get really out of hand, I just un-follow. Life’s too short to engage in battles of wits with the unarmed, especially when they’re limited to 140 characters.
As with anyone that subjects themselves to public opinion, there are always those looking to pick a fight. Do not let it interrupt your day.
@TrafficBlogger
I can only imagine the weird things that happen because of twitter in the next few years. Always been craigslist murders, weird stuff on MySpace, all the only stories about chat room people meeting each other.
@teksquisite
I just blogged about this at my site!
http://www.teksquisite.com/blog/?p=623
HTWH,
Cheers,
/Bev
@featureBlend
I’ve witnessed a bunch of bullish attitudes towards people whom i follow. Its kinda sad that peeps want to take there negative attitudes on twitter. Thankfully that has never happened to me, but if it did I would take a stand – in a positive way
No sense in fighting fire with fire.
Personally i don’t like to un-follow or block people on twitter, its just not my style. Point I’m trying to make is even if someone is being weird or obnoxious with you don’t give them the power to get under your skin, and thats all they are trying to do
I don’t know about you guys, but being a jerk is out the door. Be nice, caring and share with others and most likely that VIBE will spread through the network and you will be rewarded.
Thanks for the post, good that ya’ll brought this out. Much like yourselves I totally think real world situations are great topics for discussions. Great blog and thoughts everyone!
@fixitherself
I look at it this way:
Out of every 100 people you meet there are two you would like to make your best friend and two you never want to see again.
Making a conscience effort by your group to ignore them works in a lot of cases. If they can’t get recognition for their childish behavior they will eventually move on and look somewhere else.
@Anonymous
I’ve got a bully. She’s terrible. She took 1 tweet and turned it into an attack. I forwarded everything to her employer and either she quit or was fired but the attacks got worse. I don’t respond. The police and an attorney are involved now to make her stop… not sure if she knows that yet. She’s crossed the line into criminal behavior.
Her emails are the worst: death to me and my children. She now emails me at work, which is easy to block through the server. She’s created fake email accounts using my own name + profanity. She is insane. Her tweets demonstrate this very effectively.
As a victim of a bully: please DM your friends and offer your support. They appreciate it. And block the offender (even if you aren’t following) because they can still see the victims followers and make contact. Even protected updates and changing your name don’t help, so please support the victim (the one NOT responding is the victim) and block those that bully their way through life and Twitter.
@bulliedtweepie
I have a tacky problem that I would really like some help. This person actually got his gang to follow me and start passing sacarstic remarks on twitter. I manage to fend them all off and now he uses friends of his friends to do the same on twitter. Listing me on names that is insulting. I have been studying the situation and I doubt unfollow / blocking may work as I think it might trigger a massive unfollow which will look bad on me. My tweets have been pretty good that I have attracted some high profile tweepies to follow and list me as A-list / FF. The person is someone who doesn’t like me shine and more importantly hates my country. This person is ironically an intellectual and he created a scene where he leaves his hands clean and have others to do the insult and bullying. What shall I do? Should I change profile and block them all? It seems such a waste of effort.
@flinchbaugh
While that doesn’t belong on twitter, it doesn’t mean that you have to get involved in this all the time. It’s a public conversation. If you want to be part of a public conversation, you’re going to take some lumps (unless you have nothing to say). That’s part of the process. If this really affects someone emotionally, then they really should probably get off and participate in different conversations.
That being said, reply and state that it’s an invalid point. Make your case. Don’t get caught up in it. Bullies thrive on attention. That makes making their statements public draw them in more. And continuing a back and forth gets them going. Make your case, then move on.
That’s my stance.