by Senthil Nambi. Follow him @senthilnambi.
Celebrity
Be it a movie star, musician, CEO of a failing company, a comedian or that dude that married Demi Moore. They follow literally a handful of people, but have thousands of females following. In the case of Kevin Rose, there seems to be thousands and thousands of males following. (Say man crush three times in a row really fast!)
They will most likely not reply to your comment, although eagerly you might wait, hitting the refresh button every other second, only to curl up in a ball and cry yourself to sleep that night. Though their tweets are as mundane as “Taking a nap,” their hardcore followers still manage to reply to it with great enthusiasm. Examples: “Naps are great,” “Good Job,” “I love you Stephen Colbert.” Okay the last one was mine. Thinking back, maybe that’s the reason Levar Burton didn’t reply to my tweet.
Bots
Typically has default avatar. Sometimes has a picture of a hot girl to trick you into clicking it, only to find shes has made $550 dollars in 3 days or is giving away free laptops. The bots follow thousands and are followed by only a few. The hotter the girl, the more the followers. I guess they are not convinced that the account is a bot, even after the same tweet four times in a row all linking back to a dubious site. Not that I have clicked on them. Ok, once. Like you haven’t clicked it. $550 in 3 days? Come on! That’s gold in this economy. Its quite sad really, so many hot girls are getting into this spam business to support their cocaine habit.
Funny Guy/Gal
They are not celebrities as in the truest sense, but they are on Twitter. Much like celebrities, they follow only a handful and are followed by thousands. They make mundane, albeit humorous observations, which make Favrd on a regular basis. Though at times snobby and unresponsive, because of their follower numbers, they are worth following, especially if you are looking for some humor on Twitter. Comes in especially handy when “Mind of Mencia” is on Comedy Central.
They are the ones that managed to turn the U.S. Airways Hudson river emergency landing into a Canada Geese Roast Festival. Although I am still sore they joked about it, when so many of my fellow geese died that day. In real life they are much like anyone else, have a job, children, nagging wife etc. etc. But do not be confused, they are much funnier than you and I pretend we are.
Dead People/Imaginary Entities
I suppose this started as a joke, making twitter accounts for dead people such as Sigmund Freud and George Washington. It has now turned into a own little cult. There’s even a website dedicated to historical quotes. Not even God is immune to these pranksters. Although I am confused whether the real god @god or @godfather. My tweets requesting information have gone unanswered.
Pets/Children/Plants
What a world we live in when our pets get their own twitter account! I have never had a pet, aside from my sister, nor am I planning on making a twitter account upon acquiring a four legged creature. Surprisingly these pets are great spellers and are able to keep their thoughts under 140 characters.
While having a twitter account for children isn’t as ludicrous as pets, it is still scary. Have you seen a 3 year old? All they do is eat, sleep and poop. Same could be said for me, but lets not go there.
Finally we arrive at Plants. I will no say no more on this subject. Plant owners with twitter accounts are a sensitive bunch.
@writerdad
That was really funny. The spam bots are the worst. I had one day a few weeks back where I was followed by like 30 of them. It almost caused me to cancel my notifications. Fortunately, it has receded now to only a few per day. Just like my inbox.
@planetmfiles
Very funny! Hey, don’t be dissin the pets on twitter! Our dog has his own account @TimmyPlanetM. I think he has more followers than me!
@harishkrishna
Great I have never known that there are bots on twitter. Great post
@jessvanden
Fantastic! Now, if only I was one of those. Wait, not the last one… or the second last one, though being God would have its advantages…
@altheatremaine
I actually like the fictional/dead pranksters as well as the pets. I’m an animal lover, and often it’s easy to see what your pet is thinking. I think it’s a great way for an owner to bond with his or her pet.
@abledragon
Brilliant..!
Wish I’d caught those tweets about the Canada Roast Geese Festival (with apologies to your cousins) – did any of them have Twitter accounts..? Maybe they can reach us from the happy hunting ground for geese and tell us what the inside of an aeroplane engine’s like when it’s on full power …
Cheers,
Martin.
@mikecj
Interesting. May I add one? Celebrities who are authentic and who really do interact with anyone and everyone. Three I can think of are @wossy (Jonathan Ross) @schofe (Phillip Schofield) and @willcarling
I don’t know if it’s a peculiarly Brit celeb thing, or if they’re the only ones I’ve come across. But I chat with all three most days.
@borisjacquin
I think it’s madness to let children use Twitter. Parental Control software haven’t caught up with Twitter yet (unless I have missed something), and there is no way I would let my 6 year-old use Twitter. Even though he’s asked me already. Direct Messages from pedophiles to my son, no thanks. Not mentioning Twitpics, etc. Madness.
@Earsucker
This is the funniest post, thanks for that
You forgot celebrity children, they are the worst. @TheRealSuri is freaking hilarious…
Funny post! I have clicked on those links also so do not feel bad.
@bobbyclark2
Really enjoyed this post!
My palm tree wants a twitter account and I refuse to give in!
@igomogul
Enjoyed the post. We have come across the bots that auto-follow you and then unfollow you if you do not follow them back after a certain amount of time. We had one that was doing this almost on a daily basis, but the account has since been suspended.
@hectorhenry17
I Still dont know in which grups am i, or which caind of user am i, working to get a real identity.
@karinamyers
That was pretty funny. I really dislike bots. I have clicked on those bots profiles before thinking that they might be real people – with the intention of following back. But, I have learned to read people’s profile and tweets before I follow them back.
@FunQuotes
Senthil,
A great post! There is one more category of people – The Zombies. The ones who show up on twitter, post only a handful of tweets (sometimes *no* tweet!) and then disappear forever!
@meredithgould
Pitch perfect & utterly delightful post.
@ryanmclean
This is a great posts,
Really light hearted and humerous
Thanks
@eyespick
My Flamboyan tree had a close brush with mortality a few months ago when the temps in Florida plunged below 45 degrees. Said tree now lobbies for a twitter account. Claims to be following several migratory birds already. Wassupwitdat?!?
@Blindfaith73
I get followers and when I check their profile they may have many followers but only have like 1 or 2 updates I ignore those, and I love my cat but I’m certainly not going to make a twitter account for him
@orangy68
That is funny mate. I think I need to add a bit of humour to my post next time! Loving it! Rob.
@TwitrFic
Don’t knock the imaginary Tweeters it is a vibrant and strong community. So far I have cataloged over 5,000 of them. New media entertainment. Theater at 140.
There is a first ever scripted live TwitterFic happening Thursday night. http://twitterfic.com/trueblood
@aviatrix_angel
This is hilarious and pretty handy for a newby such as myself. However, I have to say I’m crushing on AlaskanMoose. I mean, he’s big and strong and handsome and oh so very smart!
So what if he’s, well, a moose.
@aerials792000
THANKS I needed that info!! VERY useful!!
@MsUnreliable
Good heavens. I’ll admit it, I name some of my plants, but the thought of getting them a Twitter account never even crossed my crazy little mind…and that’s saying something!
@iamkrissy
I’ve had some “celebreties” or “popular tweeters” follow me back, namely a funny lady, a cat, and some very famous and popular tweeters. All of these followed many back. I’m merely saying that they’re not all snobs, and some do follow back! How refreshing!
@yurial
Bots are he worst and today’s bots are only a preview for things ot come as Twitter really goes mainstream.
See Twitter Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Twones
@heblogssheblogs
Your post gave me a good laugh. Sometimes I think we take the entire Twitter Revolution (twivolution?) too seriously. Thanks for keeping things light.
Have you come across Twitterers who have started accounts for their newborn baby (or pre-born baby) and speak in the baby’s voice? I’ll be they’re out there. Just thought I’d ask.
Laura Christianson
@femistevens
Great stuff. A list of suprises. Twitter, another human idiosyncrasy vent. Allow choice, we can choose, and choose responsibly. Enjoy!
@jaredotoole
Funny post, great read. Hate the bots. Wish twitter could do more about them.
@MadlabPost
Following some of the celebrities on Twitter may not be a bad idea but I do not believe that many of them are not really using the service. I believe that publicists and other public relations experts are utilizing Twitter on behalf of their clients in order to get more press for their clients. An assistant of someone may be twittering to put certain information out there like concerts or product releases. Ashton Kutcher may be using Twitter but for every celeb like Ahston Kutcher who is really on there, there are others who have other people doing their “Twitter Work”.
The bots are need to be found out by the Authorities and prosecuted or shot. It’s interesting to find pets and plants on Twitter.
@senthilnambi
Thanks for your comments guys, really appreciate it! Special thanks to Lara and Darren for posting my article.