Back in October, my wife’s Grandfather, Lou Roth, passed away at the age of 97. During funeral preparations, someone rather clueless and ignorant asked if I was going to tweet during the funeral. By the way, did I mention this was my wife’s grandfather? I knew Lou for twenty years. He was a great guy and I loved him a lot. So, I looked the offender in the eye and said, “Of course, I’ll tweet; wouldn’t miss it for the world. Which one should I start with…?”
“Damn, they’re burying him with that watch we got him for his birthday.”
Or…
“They’re lowering him into the ground now, I hope the winches don’t jam.”
Or, maybe…
“Cousin Jan looks HOT in black.”
How about…
“You’re a %#@&$ idiot for asking if I’m going to tweet during Lou’s funeral.”
Certainly there are times when it’s not only proper to tweet, but also encouraged. For example; tweeting during your child’s school play is not cool (well, maybe just one tweet for friends if you attach a picture of your kid on stage). On the other hand, tweeting during a TweetUp at NASA Headquarters is cool.
Regardless of the circumstance, one would hope that common sense would prevail. However, for those of you who are uncertain, I offer the following guide of common circumstances when it would not be appropriate to tweet.
When is it NOT OK to Tweet?
When visiting the bathroom
Do I have to explain this one? And for god’s sake, NEVER twitpic!
While driving
Just Never! Never! Never! Never! Never! Never!
Spending time with family
Full Disclosure; I’ve been guilty of this. However, after realizing that tweeting while you’re supposed to be spending quality time with family is like wearing a huge neon sign that says “I’d rather be doing almost anything else then be here with you,” I am working hard to break the habit (no one’s perfect).
When teaching children, or doing just about anything with children, unless you are tweeting with them.
Children deserve your full attention. For more info, see “Spending time with family.”
Before sex
Nothing turns off a partner more. See, “I’d rather be doing almost anything else than be here with you.”
During sex
Really? You tweeted during sex? I think you’ve got other issues to worry about.
After sex
Congratulations, you had sex. I’m so impressed (not!).
During a meal
Only if you’re dining alone.
While preparing a meal
Only if you’re not working near an open flame or with sharp utensils. Otherwise, it’s okay, but only if your followers are “foodies.”
During religious ceremonies
Really? Do you want to take that chance?
Actually, it might be okay if it’s for educational purposes or you’re sharing the event with members of the congregation.
During Funerals
You did read the opening paragraphs, right? However, if you’re commemorating the event for those who could not make it to the funeral, then it might be okay, but only if you are not part of the actual funeral procession. I’d also advise not to let anyone see you.
During a Presidential Address to Congress
- If you’re a Congressmen: Your Head of State is speaking to you. Show some respect and pay attention or you may find yourself looking for another job.
- If you’re the General Public: In this case, you are almost certainly not in the Capitol Building, so tweeting would be perfectly acceptable and would be a great educational use for Twitter.
During Surgery
- If you’re the surgeon or an active participant: No.
- If you’re a student or observer: Only if you have received written permission from the patient, doctors, hospital, etc. If so, then it’s OK, especially for educational purposes.
While Working
Please consult your company’s Human Resources Department or Employee Handbook, and use your head. You’re there to work, so work. Also, if tweeting could compromise your own or someone else’s safety, then DON’T Tweet! Finally, if you’re involved in sales, marketing, recruiting or similar tasks, then Twitter can be a helpful tool, but get your boss’s permission anyway.
During a Business Meeting
Unless specifically asked to do so, or unless tweeting is required, your job requires you to pay close attention during any meeting. Otherwise, you may miss the part of the conversation where you are being replaced.
When meeting with people (or clients) whom you don’t like or respect
Just remember what your Mom said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything.”
How much you dislike your job, boss, friends, family, etc.
Don’t do it. Once it’s out there, it’s public and you may find that you can’t apologize.
While stuck on an airplane that has not taken off for several hours
I personally support some form of a Passenger’s Bill of Rights, so if you find yourself in such a situation, it may actually help airline personnel learn of your predicament and motivate them to take action, or not.
When it IS OK to tweet.
When planning a crime
Go ahead. The police don’t even know what Twitter is, anyway.
When committing a crime (even if it’s just bananas)
Stealing is Stealing. Didn’t your Mom teach you that either?
Witnessing a crime
Actually, you should report crimes to the appropriate authorities first. Surely you can wait to tweet about it until after you report it. Just don’t mention that you reported it. The perpetrator may be savvy enough to use Twitter’s new geo-location features to find you and thank you.
Contemplating or committing suicide
Please, please, please reach out and speak to someone, anyone. I want you to be around to thank me later.
Traffic updates
We know that no one ever tweets while driving; it’s their passengers. Either way, you can get reports of traffic conditions faster than any other service. Just be sure to check before you start the car (see, item two in “When is it NOT OK to Tweet” above)
Job opportunities
Twitter is filled with people announcing job opportunities. Check out TwitterJobSearch. It’s probably the best tool to search for tweets mentioning jobs based on your search criteria.
Local/National Emergencies
See “Witnessing a crime” above.
During a Commute
Only if you are NOT the person operating the vehicle.
While trapped in an elevator for 41 hours
Be sure to try the emergency phone first. However, if both that phone and your cell phone can’t get a signal; you may be close enough to the Starbucks in the lobby to get their WiFi.
Surely there are many other times when it’s OK, or not OK to tweet, so please leave your ideas in the Comments. I’d love to tweet about them.
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@christiantjr
Ha. This is a great list. Seriously. Although I disagree that tweeting while you’re with family or friends is not permissible. It depends WHY you’re tweeting. twitter is a great way to get a party together or include others in the conversation that cannot be present. If it’s inclusive, tweeting while with family is all good. If it’s excluding your family, I 100% agree. Not cool.
@Mr603
Excellent and amusing list. I’ll be certain to keep you all updated should I become stuck in a lift for a ludicrous amount of time.
@cyclefiend2000
when not to tweet…
if you have some disgusting growth/fungus/rash/etc on your body… keep that twitpic to yourself.
@richrecruiter
Disagree. Tweet whenever you want, not according a set of “rules” If your followers don’t like it, they can unfollow.
@McKnightikus
Hehehe this gave me a nice laugh. Great post! I’m just glad I don’t own a portable Tweeting gadget otherwise I’d have to print this list out and put it over my bed or something
My twitter account is just a few months old and I follow about 35 people … and in that time I have seen some really weird tweets. Too bad I don’t have them saved anywhere, will do in the future.
I personally am not interested in seeing food on someone’s plate, but that’s just me. And thanks for mentioning the bathroom pic, I’ve just been waiting for that one!
Well done, Neal. Very thoughtful. I plan to email this site to both of my kids who text during meals (same idea, different media).
@ariherzog
I’m guessing you forget the numerous weddings that have occurred as a result of tweeting, and Twitter played a central role during it.
@izzataziz
don’t tweet about you cheating your wife,
“i slept with mona last night, hope lisa don’t know”..
you think that cool, just wait a while.. then see how cool it gonna be or cold..
@SallyLeeCandles
LOL! What a great post, but it is really scary how many people do the things on your ‘don’t twitter’ list…duh!
@JohnAguiar
Basically look at your twittering as you would when your drunk,, dont ever ever drunk dial and dont ever drunk tweet lol
@bradvertrees
Lol! On the floor laughing. I have a personal rule about never talking on my cell when I’m in the bathroom, much less tweeting about my latest ‘movement’.
I think tweeting during a wedding is fine, especially if something funny happens.
Honestly though I hate it when people tweet too much about their personal life (a little is okay, especially if it’s relevant to the topic), but tweeting about every little detail of life is the fastest way for me to un-follow you.
@afmarcom
Surgeons tweeting? The horse has already left the stable on that one, and everyone agrees it’s a good thing. How can that be, you wonder? Just recently a surgeon tweeted to doctors and students around the world during ground-breaking robotic surgery. Okay, he wasn’t personally holding his phone, but he was telling someone what to tweet.
I also think it would be really cool to read a patient’s tweets during surgery. It would have to be surgery that didn’t require general anesthetic, obviously. But for example, my husband is one of those nutty people who likes to watch himself get operated on. When he had his last knee surgery he had a spinal and watched the procedures with great interest via mirror and video monitor. If Twitter had been invented at that time you can bet he would have been tweeting about it.
Note to men everywhere: Do NOT Tweet while watching your wife’s C-section. And if you tweet while she is giving birth naturally you must wash the dishes every night of your life AND watch every single romantic comedy she wants to for the rest of your life AND see every ballet she wants to for the rest of your life AND take her to Paris at least once and you must do these things for her EVEN IF YOU GET DIVORCED. And if you don’t, WE WILL KNOW AND WE WILL FIND YOU.
@gbergin
Strongly disagree with presidential address to congress. I wouldn’t say there is any commentary I would rather hear during such an occassion than the one coming from congressmen themselves.
And that goes for virtually any auditorium-style meeting or presentation.
@wjkievit
While i completely agree that you should not twitpic from the bathroom, i think tweeting from the john is completely acceptable. In fact I do it all the time! Twitter is my newspaper, and sometimes I want to say something, but don’t worry I don’t tweet about the poo im having.
@onviolence
Same rules for texting should apply to dinner. Nothing is worse than hanging out with friends and they pull out there smart phone.
Also, no texting when you want your mind to be on something else. Multi-tasking is a myth.
@nealwiser
Thanks so much for the great comments. I really appreciate them. Glad to see so many people enjoyed the post.
N.
@cecilyg
Neal, you disappoint me. You completely overlook those of us utilizing public transit to commute, making tweeting during the commute a definite do.
@srpatterson
Some of these are obvious but I guess they must be stated.
@berget
I really dislike when people are tweeting during business meetings. Especially when we’re four or five people at the meeting. It’s obvious that the guy tweeting, using MSN, or at Facebook, is not paying attention.
Yes, it happens a lot
@lucnypes
Not amusing at all, a poor attempt to what? I am sure you can do much better, Neal.
@PaulSteinbrueck
Actually, a lot of pastors are encouraging the people in their churches to twitter during services. Some have scrolled the feed for the church’s hashtag on a screen during services. Others have people tweet questions for the pastor to answer at the end of the service.
Whether tweeting during church is a good or bad thing is a hot topic of debate these days.
http://blog.ourchurch.com/2009/06/03/funniest-church-twitter-article-yet/
@aaswartz
No tweeting in the potty huh? If folks aren’t fessing up that they are tweeting and reading tweets from the potty, they’re kidding you. Iphones and BB’s have replaced the ubiquitous stack of magazines next to the pot. Just because it isn’t pleasant to discuss doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. I heard a bunch of giggling women in ladies room talking about @garyvee just before he went on stage, “Any guy who can send out a video straight from the pot, has to have something important to say. I can’t wait to see him!”.
The truth is the truth…
@katjaib
What else not to tweet: Anything said to you in a DM (Direct Message) without the other person’s consent. I’ve had this happen a few times (was guilty myself twice before I got “schooled”) and it’s like having a confidence broken.
What to tweet: Appreciation & gratitude for the people, blogs, services that you enjoy. This can’t be said enough!
Thank you for a great post that I’ll be retweeting.
@afmarcom
Paul — That’s very interesting! I can see the good and bad of in-church tweeting. On the one hand, someone could be so intent on tweeting one idea that he misses the point of the sermon. On the other hand, people who take notes for others (like a tweeter) tend to listen the most closely.
@expalm
I think this NOT to tweet list is also applicable for NOT to use mobile phone.
@katjaib
Angie’s right about the bathroom.
@virtualvip
OK, that was funny as hell.
Jeff Yablon
President & CEO
Answer Guy and Virtual VIP Computer Support, Business Change Coaching and Virtual Assistant Services
and supporter . . .
I Hate Texting
@CarlaRose
I rarely tweet away from the computer though I’ve done it a few times while waiting at the airport and on a road trip (when I was the passenger), but it doesn’t really appeal to me that much to Tweet all the time.
I recently had to get a new Blackberry and I haven’t downloaded the TwitterBerry app yet and don’t really miss it – yet.
@esther96
I only tweet from my laptop, so some of these scenarios don’t apply to me. I refuse to pay twice for the Internet. Once for my broadband and another on my phone. Yes, I’m mean like that!
@kbloemendaal
So….when CAN I tweet? LOL
@egichomo
Hahaha…this is hilarious!! Started off my tweeting day in a nice mood
@stretchmarkmama
Thanks for the laugh!
I have to tweet when my family’s around cuz they’re around me 24/7. Which explains the overly cheery nature of my tweets.
#smile